I decided to reflect on this past semester using a fictional story that is based on a true story. I hope you enjoy it!
Reflections of a Graduate Student
It was 11:30pm on a Monday night when second year graduate student Jessie first logged into her next online class. Last semester she had taken two classes and it was overwhelming, so for this semester she wanted to cut back to just one class. However, with the end of the program approaching she was eager to press on and just finish this thing instead of letting it drag out forever, so two classes it was. It had been nice to take a break from teaching and going to school over the holiday break, and it was even enough time to take a family trip to Florida, but now it was time to get back to work.
As she skimmed through the course requirements for both classes, she started to feel a bit anxious about the workload. Would it be too much? It is too late to drop a class? She thought. Never mind, let’s just get to it.
She clicked through the files that had been shared and set up the journal document that would be shared between her and the professor: A place to post work and provide grades. Skimming through the get-to-know-you questions she began to relax. Maybe this won’t be so bad, she thought, I can answer these questions about what I teach easy enough. The final questions opened on the screen, What do you currently know about design? What design opportunities may be available in your professional future? Gulp. What is this course called again? How can I post a response that makes me sound really smart here? She thought. After a moment she shook her head, No, I can’t fake this. They won’t be mad, I’m here to learn about it, right?
The following week they began to get into the real work for the class. Jessie still wasn’t sure exactly what she would be doing, but it seemed like the best way to get through it was to just follow the course. The first assignment was about identifying a problem she was facing in her profession. What to choose? There are always so many problems! She started thinking about her job, her classroom, her students…the never ending “to-do” pile on her desk…forget about problems for this class, what I really need is time! Time to organize and go through all this stuff. Time to figure out the best way to do my job! Time to restructure my small group instruction and maybe finally open that Footprints curriculum and figure out how to use it… She paused. This might be the answer here! If she could complete some work for her Master’s classes and at the same time do something she’d been meaning to do anyway it would be a win-win situation! Besides, the students would absolutely benefit from me spending more time digging into this curriculum, so it would really be a win-win-win! Boom. Done. Turns out this class would be easy after all!
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It had been a week since she had submitted her first assignment and Jessie sat staring at the feedback from her professor on her computer screen. Try not to think about the solution just yet, he had said. What does he mean? She thought. My solution is so obvious! The problem is that I don’t know how to use the new small group curriculum that the district bought, and now I will have time to figure it out! The students will learn, everyone will be happy! I don’t need to hold off on anything. She was frustrated by this, but tried not to think about it. Oh well, it will just make my assignments easier down the road since I already know what I’m doing.
Time to dig in to the next lab assignment. Ah yes, different perspectives. I should write about that time Dave almost quit when he had that meeting with his boss. I can’t believe he didn’t understand why his boss was upset…maybe I’ll share my assignment with him so he will realize he could spend more time thinking about how others feel. Once again, the course seemed easy and she could totally relate to this, but that was short lived as the next assignment turned back to the initial problem she had written about. How can I gain empathy for myself? Isn’t this problem about me to begin with? Who has better insight to how I’m feeling than me? She wondered. Maybe I could figure out another person to include in this, just so I have something else to write about…who else could I say is involved? Another teacher? Maybe my students? They’re the ones I will use the curriculum with anyway….actually, I don’t need to fake it, this really is about them, isn’t it? A light had gone off in her head as she immediately thought back to her initial problem. Not having enough time to get things done is a big deal, but what is it exactly that I think I need to get done anyway? Appearing to be more organized so my peers and parents of my students think I’m a good teacher? Does that really help anyone? No, this is about my responsibility as an educator which is to teach my students. Maybe me not feeling like I’ve got it all together is affecting their learning, but it is more than likely something more than that. I do have a good group this year, and most are learning, but how can I help those who are not for some reason?
In an instant the real problem began to emerge. As she thumbed through the notes from all of the small group sessions Jessie realized that she had been teaching the same content to all of her groups and in basically the same way. For some groups, it was clicking and they were moving through the material fairly easier. They were now beginning to read, which is right on track for where the district wants them to be at this point in kindergarten. But then there were the lower groups. She stared at the names of the students in those groups. Students who were struggling for a variety of reasons. Students that she cared deeply about and genuinely wanted to help. She began writing out their stories to try and identify what would be holding them back. Some didn’t seem to care about school at all. Others wanted so badly to be successful, but were dealing with undiagnosed learning disabilities. And then there were those in the middle. They came to school regularly and went through the motions of sitting through whole group instruction and spending time in small group instruction, but something was just missing. Maybe they are preoccupied about things happening at home? Maybe they’re just hungry or embarrassed to be wearing the same clothes as yesterday that they can’t focus on what is being taught.
In Jessie’s childhood, school had always been a priority. Her parents were not college educated but had wanted the best for their children and encouraged them to always do their best in school. They didn’t have a lot of extra things or go on fancy vacations, but they were never in need of basic necessities like food, clothes, or shelter. Thinking now about her own students and how their lives must be very different it was not a surprise that learning might not come as easily to them or be the number one priority. She wrote all of these things down in her journal, all the while thinking about how this assignment could be turned around to actually help the students in her life who were experiencing the real problem of not learning.
The following week she read through the feedback on her assignment. Her professor had noticed that many of the issues that came up in the empathy report centered on home life and parents. Would parents and families be a part of the solution? She sighed as she thought about this. This was her sixth year teaching in this school, and although the students and parents were different each year, the issues at home appeared to run in a similar vein, all having to do with families living in poverty. She thought back to the Leader in Me training she had gone through her first year of teaching. In his book, Dr. Covey had talked a lot about the circle of influence, and things you can control versus things you can’t. As much as she would love to be able to make all of her student’s home problems go away, that task was too far out of reach. What do I have the power to change, right here, right now? She thought.
The next phase began with brainstorming potential solutions and just thinking about the problem. Jessie wrote down everything she could think of, even if it didn’t seem directly connected to the problem. It was now in the middle of report card testing time at school, so she wasn’t meeting with her small groups to be able to ask them questions about what might help them to learn, although that may have been a tough question for them to answer either way being so young The next best thing was speaking with her own children at home as well as her husband who had struggled a great deal in school. They all had different perspectives that fueled new ideas for her to try.
Using the new ideas Jessie excitedly moved forward with creating new activities to try in class. She couldn’t wait to try them out with her class to see if it would make a difference, but then the unexpected happened. There was a new and deadly virus circulating through the country and it had just reached her state. Schools were abruptly closed and using the new ideas with this group of students just wouldn’t be a possibility. Had schools not closed, she would have been able to test out these ideas and make changes to it as necessary, but for now she’d have to settle for trying to use part of the new idea with her own kindergarten son and niece. It wasn’t the same though, and she was feeling a bit deflated about the entire process.
After using one piece of her new idea with her own family however, she began to be excited about it again. Jessie began to realize that while her son and niece were different from her current students, her students next year would be different as well. There is no completely finished product in this process of design, she thought. People change, and students change year to year. That’s part of the beauty of education in general. What works one year might not work the next, but that doesn’t mean that nothing will work, it just needs to be something different.
As she reflected on everything she had worked on this semester, she realized that even though this school year was over, the design process is never over. She didn’t need to grieve not being able to use this new tool with her current students, because she could test it with her students next year and make changes. And likely repeat that process every year with every new group of students. She was also thinking about problems in general, and how so often what we think is a problem isn’t actually the problem at all. Learning about the whole process of identifying the real problem, brainstorming potential solutions, testing them and trying again was much more valuable than the physical product of this class.
And so she breathed a sigh of relief, finishing another class and getting one step closer toward the end of her Master’s program, but never the end of her learning journey.
Jessie's World 